What I did not know

It isn't easy feeling for you what I do and not being able to see you everyday. There are times when I would give anything just to be able to look at you, touch you, or to feel your arms surround me. For me to hold you close to me. If only for a few minutes. I feel incomplete, like a part of me is missing when we are not together. I know that right now, this is how things must be. That knowledge does not make it easier. Everyday just reminds me of the joy you have brought to my life, that joy is missing right now. So, don't think that I do not feel for you.
I am thinking of you. I am counting every minute until we are together again. We have come this far, and still here we are. But, I regret some moments and I wish I had a do over button to make them better. I forgot, when we were together last, I forgot. I did not realize that you were leaving the next day, that I would not see you again for four months. And when I did,you have no idea how much I berated myself! How badly I wanted to be with you one more time, one more moment, one more kiss, caress, one more look upon your face.

There are times when I wake, with those thoughts flowing through my mind. When regret is a very sour taste in my mouth. I will live everyday fully and give my everyday as if it were my last. This I promise. So last night, after I despaired for being so abruptly cut off, I thanked the Lord because I saw you, heard you, and shared with you. One more day baby, one less day to wait.
I want to open the door to your presence, know you are home. I want to lay beside you as you rest your head on the pillow I hug when you are gone and know it carries your scent. When you are here, I cherish every moment we are together and treasure the moments we share when we are apart. I replay the words you have said to me. I hear your words and listen to them. I do not want to stifle you, push you, force you. I do not think I can. Sorry, I don't know where this came from...most likely frustration. I keep dreaming of the day you come home. I want to feel you here,with me. I want to spend sleepless nights and tired days with you. I want to know that soreness again.

Keep yourself well baby, you matter to me, so very much.